Thursday, September 29, 2016

9/29 Update

This is going to be quick, I don't feel like doing this today.


Colin, Rob, and Gary improved to 3-0.

Shawn, Jim and Joe are at 2-1

Folden, Eplin, and Munez are at 1-2

Me, Geiss, and Hale at 0-3.


Colin won the pick'em bonus of 10 points.

Overall, I have a 5 point lead over Colin in the College Pick'em, 6 point over Folden, and 7 over Munez.

Pro Pick'em, Joe has a 1 point lead over Geiss, 2 point lead over Eplin and Folden, and 3 point lead over Colin, Shawn, and Gary.

Survivor Pool

Last Week, Munez got a strike for picking Houston.  Hale a strike for picking Pittsburgh, and Geiss, Colin, Folden, and Gary a strike for picking Arizona.

That's also Gary's 2nd strike.  Last year he finished in 11th, this year 12th.  Good job on Survivor Pool, Gary.

Three weeks into the season, and Joe, Rob, Jim and I are the only ones without a strike so far.


Jim vs Gary
Shawn vs Eplin
Rob vs Adam
Hale vs Munez
Colin vs Joe
Munez vs Folden

I might do a point update next week.  although they're pretty irrelevant til November.  Lates fucks.

Wednesday, September 21, 2016

9/21/2016 Mini Update

What up, Fucks.  Week 3 of Football God is in the books and we're gonna go through a recap.


Folden and Joe both put up 21 points this week, giving them the 10 point bonus.  Joe put up 11 in a tough week of college, while Folden put up 13 dick pounding points, coming back from the brink of the abyss to snag those sweet sweet bonus points.

Overall,  I have a 4 point lead over Folden and Joe in the college; and, Folden keeps a 1 point lead over Joe in the Pro.  Lots of dick left to suck though before the overall standings really mean anything.


BANG BANG.  Eplin and Shawn took one of the chin this week, each taking those Turd Sandwiches from Seattle who lost to the Not St Louis Rams.

Eplin, Shawn, and Gary hang off the edge of the mountain, clinging to their life, calling for help.  But, noone is coming to help.  Either hold on for the long ride, or plummet into the darkness, never to be heard from least until next season.


Colin, Voyten, Gary,a nd Rob are off to great 2-0 starts.  Jim, Joe, Eplin, and Folden are at 1-1.  Hale, Geiss, Munez, and I are stuck in the muck and the mire, trying to slog forward, only to move backward at 0-2.

This week's games.

Rob 2-0 vs Hale 0-2
Geiss 0-2 vs Munez 0-2
Joe1-1 vs Folden 1-1
Eplin 1-1 vs Colin 2-0
Jim 1-1 vs Voyten 2-0
Adam 0-2 vs Gary 2-0


HOLY SHIT.  I red out people's predictions out when they are extremely unlikely to impossible to take place.  And, my god did Oklahoma out do itself in shittiness.

3 weeks in and they are DONE.

That's a redmark for Eplin and Hale's National Championship.  Folden's runner up.  And a final four team for Me, Folden, Joe, Geiss, Hale, and Eplin.

Obviously, there's still plenty of ball to play, and every other team could decide to audibly fart as hard as the "Not gonna happen very 'Soon'ers," but it's safe to say they are pretty much butt fucked to mediocrity.  Obvs, they are still in the Big 12 race, since that hasn't even happened yet.

Florida State took a powder last Saturday too, getting beat by 248 by Louisville.  In the immortal words of early 2000's musical abortion Linkin Park, Florida State is one step closer to the edge, and they're about to break.

Florida State could still sneak into the final four if they win out tough games @ south Florida and Miami, and home games against UnC, Clemson, and Florida; And, they'd need Louisville to lose twice (they play Houston and Clemson still).  So, for now I've got them yellowed out, meaning basically they can fuck all they want, but they might not get to cum.

That would basically fuck Eplin's national championship game completely.  While fucking me and Voyten's runner up.  As well as many people's final four.

The only 3 people who haven't suffered a final four team loss yet are Jim, Rob, and Scary Gary.

I'm gonna leave you guys with the immortal words of Colonel Sanders.  "I'm too drunk to taste this chicken."

Tuesday, September 13, 2016

Week 2 Update

Just a short update to let ya'll know where we stand on a couple of things.

Pick'em point bonus.

In Week 1 I earned the 5 point bonus by predicting 15 out of 18

Week 2's 10 point bonus was earned by Me, Joe, and Eplin with 27 correct a piece.

Eplin had 18 college 9 Pro, 17 and 10 for me, and 16 and 11 for Joe.

Survivor Pool

Who would get struck first?  Gary was the only person to take a strike in week 1 of the season, picking the Colts to beat the Lions.

Eplin had Houston who overcame a slow start to get the job done.

Munez had the Packers who sweated out a late rally by the Jags.

Shawn had KC who had to come back from 18 down to beat the Chargers in OT.

The rest of us had Seattle who were losing until a TD sealed it in the final seconds of the season.

Otherwise, things were fairly standard throughout the league.  No big upsets in college football.

Fantasy Football

Fantasy Week 1 showed the following results:

Jim defeated me to start the defense of his Football God and Fatasy Championship.

Shawn scored the most points in the week beating Hale.

Gary rode Deangelo Williams and Antonio Brown to come back on Geiss despite Kenan Allen's injury.

Rob took advantage of Joe's 2nd rate starting line up.

Colin started off strong beating Munez.

Folden won the least deserving victory of the week, putting up 85 points and defeating Eplin's 80.

That's it for now scumbags.

Tuesday, September 6, 2016

Pro Prediction Reveal

The time has come to see our future failures.

Super Bowl Champions

Our Superbowl predictions were represented by 3 NFC teams and 2 AFC teams

The Steelers (for the first time ever) were the leading team in Football God with 5 predictions.  That brings out big time Big Ben Rapelisberger face.

The Arizona Cardinals were close behind with 4.  Other than that we had 1 each for the Packers, the Pats, and the Panthers.

In the Superbowl participants the Steelers also led the way with 9 people picking them to represent the AFC.  The only three that didn't have them were Myself, Hale, and Folden all with New England.

In the NFC it's more of a mixed bag.  Four people had Arizona in the Superbowl, three Carolina, three Greenbay, and two Seattle.

The AFC & NFC Championship game losers are a mixed bag of those 6 teams, with the exception of Hale and Eplin having Denver as the AFC Championship game loser.


Half the divisions this year are piss pour diarrhea as far as parody goes.

The divisions highlighted in yellow are the AFC & NFC north, the AFC East and the NFC South.  Everyone chose the Panthers, Packers, Pats, and Steelers for obvious reasons, so let's move on from there.


This was pretty even across the way, with 6 people choosing Houston and 5 Luck, and the Brocks.
people choosing Indi.  I chose Jacksonville, and while Jalen Ramsey, Blake Bortles, and I are cigars with lit $100 bills laughing, the rest of you chumps can enjoy your picks of the ultimate fuck faced Andrew

In other news, Andrew Luck was named the most butt ugly human on earth for the 25th year in a row.

Geiss's Marbles

Most people took KC in the NFL's first Peyton Manningless season.  Three people took Denver, which I stayed away from.  Mainly because they're starting a guy at QB who I've never even heard of.  That's a rare feat.  Geiss stepped up big and had the balls to take the Oakland Raiders.  Love the ballsy pick.  Most people probably considered it at some point, I know I did.


I assume that this division was probably more varied before Tony Romo crumpled to the ground in a fit of lady-like back pain, but 3 people still managed to pull the trigger on them.  Most people rolled the dice on the Giants, which is fine.  A couple of people took Washington too.

Truth is the NFC East is pretty much just a war of which team can fuck up the least.  It's basically just pull up your jock, go out there and try not to fuck up.  Nothing glamorous,  nothing sexy, just don't fuck up.  Probably lead to Eli and his dumb fetus face getting another Super Bowl ring somehow.

God I hate his fucking face.  His stupid fucking faggot face.


7 votes for Seattle, 5 for Arizona.  Amazingly 4 people have Arizona winning the Superbowl and only 1 more has them winning their own division.  People are either very hot or very cold on them this year.


The Wildcards are all over the place this year, here is the breakdown.

KC 1

That's 10 different teams represented, no team having more than 5 picks.

So who are the losers who noone picked?  Let's have a quick in memorium for the jerk offs.


The NFC Wildcard isn't as varied as the AFC but still  has a few in there.

Arizona 6
Tampa Bay 5
Minnesota 5
Seattle 4
Washington 2
Atlanta  1
Dallas 1

Only 7 teams are represented here.

Here are the sorry sacks of shit that got no love from any of us this year.

That's New Orleans at their best.

Today while I was driving to the gym I saw an old woman (70+) wearing a custom St. Louis Rams jersey that said #11 Rock Solid on the back.

That was cool.

Obv, I'm not going to go through the individual awards and the other shit, because I'm tired and horny.  

See yinz at the draft later.  

Let's have a blast this year!

Thursday, September 1, 2016

College Prediction Reveal

Thanks to everyone for getting your college picks in.  Now I'm going to make fun of them.  The easiest way to view this is to pull up a 2nd web browser and put them next to each other.

National Championship:

We had 6 people chose Alabama in the obvious pick of every year selection.  Three people choosing Clemson, two choosing Oklahoma, and our returning champion Jim picking Ohio State.

Our runners up were more varied.  3 selections for Florida State, 2 for Alabama, 2 for Clemson, 3 for LSU.  Jim took Alabama, and Gary took Stanford.

Only one of us had the balls to pick a team outside of the preseason top 10 to finish in our final four.

So, I'm going to review/roast each person's picks from here on out.


I really enjoy Eplin's picks this year.  He was the only person that had the balls to keep Alabama out of the final four.  And he's the only person that will certainly not get any points when Alabama definetely wins the SEC and makes the College Football playoff.

Eplin's final four consists of Michigan, Florida State, Oklahoma, and Tennessee.  I think Eplin thought we were doing the College Football Playoff for the 1999 season.

Eplin also took UCLA to win the PAC-12.  He's the only person that made this pick.

Eplin basically moved to Tennessee a year ago and has bought into the hometown hype.  if he had moved to Charlotte, he'd have the Charlotte 49er winning the Sunbelt and in the College Football Playoff.

Eplin was also the only person to chose Baker Mayfield to win the Heisman.  I don't trust anyone whose first name is the same as a profession.  That's like someone being named Accountant Smith, or Locksmith Johnson.

In any case, his picks are risky but i like it.  Good luck homey.


Munez basically bet the house on LSU this year.  He has Leonard Fournette winning the Maxwell, Doak Walker, and Heisman award.  He has Les Miles winning the Coach of the Year.  He has LSU losing the national championship, and in the final four.  And he has the SEC being won by...Alabama?  Seriously?  Let me check that again.


Yep, Munez has LSU winning just about everything except their own conference.

Munez also has what I think is the BALLSIEST pick of the year, picking Clemson to be the TOP 10 team that falls out of the top 25.

Balls to the Walls.

These two had the most interesting picks of everyone, so the rest will be much shorter.


About 2 weeks ago I sat down and went through my final four.  I ended up with Alabama, Florida State, Clemson, and Oklahoma.  I thought I was so clever.  "Noone will think of this,"  I thought.  Then I looked up the Coaches Poll and saw the top 4.

1. Alabama
2. Clemson
3. Oklahoma
4. Florida State

Way to go Adam, you really got 'em.

My picks are pretty much that way all the way down.

Chalk, chalk, chalk.

I bet big on Florida State though, having them lose the national Championship, and having Dalvin Cook win both the Heisman and Doak Walker.


Our returning champion came in with a couple of interesting picks.  He's the only person that has Ohio State winning the National Championship.  The only person with TCU winning the Big 12.  And one of only three to have Stanford in the final four.

He is one of two with Leonard Fournette winning the Heisman.


Voyten's big bold pick this year is having Iowa win the Big 10 and finish in the final four.  That's the lowest ranked team that anybody has in there.

Voyten also rest heavy on Florida State like me, having them in the finals, and having Dalvin cook winning the Heisman and Doak Walker.


Folden made a lot of picks similar to the rest of us.  There isn't really much that sticks out from his.

JOE:  Ditto to Folden's


Colin brought a couple of interesting picks to the party.  One of the only 3 people to pick Michigan and LSU.  Colin also picked Miami to finish the highest in the top 25, which was the only person to pick that.


Geiss was the only person taht took Bowling Green to win the MAC...So that's neat.


Rob took Florida State to finish out of the Top 25.  Cool.


Hale took Oklahoma to win the National Championship.  Apparently, he hasn't watched Bob Stoops coach a big game since 2002.


Gary made picks too.