Tuesday, October 25, 2016

10-25 Update: All Hallows Eve Edition

Welcome to a super spooky, out of this world edition of Football God: Update.  Hope you brough your iron will, and your worst fears.


This week in the Ghoul Pool, Geiss met his untimely demise, as the (choke choke) Falcons lost to Laser Face and the rest of the Chargers.

This leaves Rob and I without a strike.  Hale, Folden, and Joe with one strike a piece.  Keep in mind that people get 10 points for making through Week 9.  Two more weeks before the Ghoul Pool starts to pay out.

College Pick'em

This past week I took a real slashing in the standings.  I was mauled over.  I shrieked when I saw the results, and I'm scared of the future.  Enough heavy handed Halloween references though.

After putting up solid numbers and building up a good lead all year, I managed to get 4 out of 16.  Joe and Gary took mad advantage of my let down, putting up 13 and 12 respectfully.

This week has tightened up the standings as now my lead has shrank to just 2 over Joe, 3 over Folden, 4 over Colin, and 5 over Gary.

Professional Pick'em

Geiss and Joe maintained a solid 8 this week, which keeps them tied for the lead.  This allowed about half of the league to pick up some ground on them one way or the other.

There lead sits at 2 over Eplin and 3 over Colin and Folden.  Big ups to Jim this week for not making his pro picks.  He's heading to John McLane territory here.

Gary got the bonus this week, putting up 22. Way to go Yingst.


Not too much to go over here.  Ohio State took their first loss of the year, which would normally put them in trouble for the College Football Playoff.  But, the douchebags that vote on the polls had them drop a solid 4 spots about losing to an unranked team.  So...whatever...Must be nice.

Other than that Michigan's joke of a schedule ha put them solidly in the number 2 spot.

Interestingly, Houston has lost it's 2nd conference game of the season, putting them in desperation mode, as far as winning their conference goes.  Sadly, no one had the stones to be against them, so it's sort of a moot point.

Fantasy Football

Week 7 is in the books.  Here's where we stand.

Shawn 5-2
Colin 5-2
Rob 5-2
Jim 5-2
Gary 4-3
Joe 4-3
Hale 3-4
Adam 3-4
Geiss 3-4
Munez 2-5
Eplin 2-5
Folden 1-6

I actually predicted the correct outcome of all the games last week.  So...bully for me.

Week 8 Schedule

Joe (4-3) vs Adam (3-4)

My squad has been up and down all year.  I put up a big number against Colin, while Colin put up a yuge number.  Joe has been steady as she goes.  On pace for a play off.  runs into a couple of match up issues this week, and Lev Bell is on bye.  Gronk has decided to start gronking off though.  I see a let down week for Joe.

Prediction:  Adam 112 Joe 101

Shawn 5-2 vs Folden 1-6

Poor Folden.  Team put up so numbers this past week and he still couldn't pull it off.  After a Week 1 win, Folden is sporting a sweet 6 game losing streak.  He's going against Shawn who is in 1st place in the league.  I mean, it's a lot more fun to pick upsets.  But, I just can't do it this week.

Prediction: Shawn 123 Folden 96

Rob 5-2 vs Eplin 2-5

Talk about another sorry team.  Eplin has had to deal with many players hitting the IR, and this week he barely has enough able-bodied running backs to field a lineup.  Rob has David Johnson, who basically jizzes on faces on a weekly basis. This game stinks of a blow out.


UPSET ALERT:  Eplin's officially hit the point where names don't matter for shit.  He's throwing his best case lineup in the middle of a worst case scenario.  I think he's down by double digits heading ot Monday, and Asiata brings the Big Ups to put him over the top.

Eplin 111 Rob 109

Gary 4-3 vs Munez 2-5

Tough sledding for Munez this week.  Put into a tough spot with 6 of his players on bye and 1 of them announcing his RETIREMENT, Munez literally has to start everyone that's playing but his backup QB.

I think Gary's got the goods to go this week.  Sorry Munez

Prediction:  Gary 85 Munez 78.

Jim 5-2 vs Colin 5-2

Usually a 5-2 vs 5-2 game gets top billing, but we're all about the unconventional this spooky season.  We'll make this one simple.  Colin's at full force and his team is one to reckon with.  mouth fucking all the way around.

Prediction: Colin 145 Jim 117

 Game of the Week

Geiss 3-4 Vs Hale 3-4

No game has a more guaranteed effect on the standings this week then Hale and Geiss.  Hale's team is full of backup running backs, Green Bay packers, and hurt players  Geiss is nearly at full steam, although without Beckham.  his squad is on a big up swing at the moment and I like it to continue.

Geiss 133 Hale 109

So, that's it for the week.  remember to check to make sure that your candy and condoms don't have holes poked in the wrapper.

Happy Halloween.  From Jay Cutler.

Tuesday, October 18, 2016

Update 10/18: Bathe in the Blood

What's up wanks.   Time to hit it.


Well, last week was a bloodbath.  Last week I predicted that 2 of the 3 of us would get our 1st strike and 3 people would be eliminated.  I underestimated that a little.

Munez, Colin, Eplin, Jim, and Shawn were all elimanted picking Pittsburgh.  So, Gary has been joined all of a sudden by 5 other people.
Joe gained his first strike as well, banking on Pittsburgh.

Geiss, Hale, and Folden stayed alive, picking Tennessee.

Rob & I took Buffalo to remain the last two who are strikeless 6 weeks into the season. On another note, I looked back to last year.  And, I have now gone 17 consecutive weeks without a strike, dating back to Week 2 of last season.  Fuckin aye.  Knocking on wood for this one.



Tennessee got spanked by Alabama this weekend, giving them their 2nd consecutive loss and pushing them out of the National Title picture (most likely)

Also, UCLA has fallen to 1 and 3 in the Pac 12, meaning they are likely out of the Pac 12 Championship picture.  Eplin is just....He's really taking a beating in the predictions right now.


Folden was able to score 10 last week ahead of a few that had 9.  Colin only scored 7, dropping him into 3rd.

Overall,  I am in the lead with 78, Folden is 4 back at 74, and Colin is at 71.


Folden and Rob both tied with 12 points this week, giving Folden the bonus in the pick'em.

Overall, Geiss and Joe hold the lead in the pick'em, with Folden a point behind.  1st and 11th in the pro pick'em are only seperated by 7 points.  Hale is way back, 14 behind.


Here are the points scored in the pick'em bonus so far this year.

Folden 30
Colin 20
Joe 20
Adam 15
Eplin 10


Last night was pretty wild for our league.  David Johnson put up 37 points for Rob, helping him eek out Shawn by less than a point for the win.

Brandon Marshall brought Folden within a point of me in the first half, only to not touch the ball again.

Carson Palmer through a TD pass to Michael Floyd in the 4th quarter that put not only Gary on top of Eplin, but also Munez ahead of Jim.

Now six weeks in, here are the standings.

Shawn 4-2
Rob 4-2
Colin 4-2
Gary 4-2
Jim 4-2
Hale 3-3
Joe 3-3
Adam 3-3
Geiss 2-4
Munez 2-4
Eplin 2-4
Folden 1-5

All of our 4-1 teams lost, while two of our 1-4 teams won.  Tie breakers aside, there are only 2 games between 1st and 11th in the league.  So where do we go from here?


Adam (3-3) vs Colin (4-2)
Colin has hit a rougher part of his schedule, with bye weeks hitting him hard.  He has Kelvin Benjamin and Ezekiel Elliott out this week on Bye, giving my inferior squad an advantage.  I'm going for my 4th win in a row.

Prediction: Colin 115 Adam 103

Folden (1-5) vs Jim (4-2)
Jim finally gets some running backs into his lineup this week, and his team is looking more formidable then it did the last couple of weeks, Folden is trying to get on the winning track of things after suffering his 5th straight loss.  This one should be close.  Jim's team has had a couple of rough weeks.

Prediction:  Jim 91 Folden 88

Hale (3-3) vs Joe (3-3)
Hale has won his 3rd straight game, but plays Joe without Cam Newton in his lineup this week.  This opens the door for Joe, who i seeing his team finally get back to full strength.  With Landry Jones at QB, you can only expect Leveon Bell to carry the ball at least 300 times.

Prediction Joe 120 Hale 105

Geiss (2-4) vs Eplin (2-4)

Eplin's team continues to try to find it's footing.  A lot of high draft picks not living up to potential are hurting him this year.  Geiss is coming off of a YUGE game from ODB.  Add in TY Hilton and Edelman, Geiss may have the most dangerous receiving core in the league.  Whoever wins this game will be only 1 game out of the playoff race.  So mark this as a big'un for both squads.

Prediction Geiss 117 Eplin 83

Munez 2-4 vs Shawn 4-2

Munez comes into this game a pretty big underdog to Shawn based off of the projections.  Shawn's team is a well oiled machine at this point, with big point potential from most of his roster.  I'm predicting a bigger week from Munez's backs though and I think this game is going to be close.  If Munez could get a living breathing receiver into his lineup I think he actually could win too.  But, as it stands.

Prediction Shawn 135 Munez 122

Rob 4-2 vs Gary 4-2
Gary and Rob come in with good records and a game that's projection is only a point apart.  Gary is dealing with his stud TE on Bye and a couple of tough matchups.  Rob's RB's nearly scored 100 points last week so what the hell.  I think Gary's team takes a powder this week, and gets ready for the rest of the season.
Rob 126 Gary 91


Might as well throw the totals in while we're at it.

Fantasy wins (10 pts apiece) + college pick'em + pro Pick'em + pick'em bonus = Total

Rob 40+61+55=
Shawn 40+66+52=
Jim 40+58+52=
Gary 40+65+52=
Colin 40+71+54+(20)
Hale 30+64+44=
Adam 30+78+51+(15)=
Joe 30+67+58+(20)=
Eplin 20+67+55+(10)=
Munez 20+66+51=
Geiss 20+64+58=
Folden 10+74+57+(30)=

1. Colin 185
2. Joe 175
3. Adam 174
4. Folden 171
5. Shawn 158
6. Gary 157
7. Rob 156
8. Eplin 152
9. Jim 150
10. Geiss 142
11. Hale 138
12. Munez 137

I'll try to get another point update in the first week of November.  Until then, munch on shit.

Thursday, October 13, 2016

10-13 Update: Rise of the Undeserved

What's up partners.  Back with another erection inducing update for you guys to swallow.


Oh me, oh my.  There were a couple of interesting matchups this past week.

Eplin was able to topple Joe despite only scoring 85 points and keeping a man who didn't play in his lineup.  I mark this win UNDESERVED.

Jim on the other hand, dealing with injuries and bye weeks made a great pick up of Artmis-Payne, who scored 2 suprising touchdowns.  Jim also forgot to actually put Artmis-Payne into his lineup, meaning his RB1 and RB2 on the week scored less than 1 point.  But, Rob's team laid a big egg, despite David Johnson putting up 36 points.  Jim's win is UNDESERVED.

Seriously guys, let's get our lineups straight.

In other games, I squeeked by Munez by 5 points moving me to 2-3 and Munez to 1-4.

Hale beat Folden to move to 2-3.

Our two most interesting games though came down to Monday night.

Colin needed every thing Mike Evans could offer before finally pulling ahead of Geiss in the 3rd quarter of the Monday Night game.

Gary and Shawn's game came down to the last drive of the game.  Jaquizz Rogers and Greg Olson both put up big numbers leading to about 8 lead changes in their game throughout the night.  Shawn pulled it out in the end though.

Here are your standings through 5 weeks.

Colin 4-1
Shawn 4-1
Jim 4-1

Gary 3-2
Rob 3-2
Joe 3-2

Hale 2-3
Adam 2-3
Eplin 2-3

Geiss 1-4
Folden 1-4
Munez 1-4

I appreciate the symmetry that our standings have brought us yet again.

So, what lies ahead in Week 6?

Munez 1-4 vs Jim 4-1
Munez needs a win badly, and is matched up against the continually prevailing Jim.  Jim's been on the right side of luck so far, and it maybe the coin flips this week in Munez's direction.  Their projections for the week are less than 0.25 of a point apart.

Gary 3-2 vs Eplin 2-3
If we had a Survivor Pool for fantasy, my pick would be Gary this week.  Eplin's Rb's are all hurt, and even if they don't play theree's a chance that he keeps them in his lineup anyway.

Geiss 1-4 vs Joe 3-2
Geiss is in a fuck I need to win now situation just like the rest of the 1-4 teams.  Geiss, unfortunately, is going against Joe in a week, where he's projected to put up 123 points.  Yikes.

Adam 2-3 vs Folden 1-4
Folden comes in a 20 point underdog this week.  He has a lot of question marks at RB, but a lot of studs at WR.  His team is sort of a boom or bust on a weekly basis here.

Rob 3-2 vs Shawn 4-1
Rob is trying to mitigate two bad performances from his team in a row, while Shawn's team continues to fly high.  Both of these squads are impressive and should be playoff teams.  Maybe this is a preview of a playoff matchup?

Game of the Week
Hale 2-3 vs Colin 4-1
While Hale is only 2-3 his team is actually 4th in points scored this year.  He has the most points against this season and is actually projected to beat Colin this week. Colin has target monster Mike Evans on bye, and Elliott is facing the Packers run defense who has only given up like 170 yards ALL SEASON.  Coln's best asset is his depth, so he can usually run out a formidable lineup.

Hale's biggest issue is that just about every one of his starters is questionable for this weekend.  If they all play, I think I like him this weekend.  Interesting game for sure though.


Last week was basically the equivalent of a bye week for everyone in the Survivor Pool.  10 of the 11 of us took New England, save for Geiss who had already used them.  He took Pittsburgh and nobody really had to sweat it out.

Week 6 should be much more interesting.  Joe, Rob, and I remain strikeless.  The other 8 people all have one strike.  This is a week, in which, there are no really clear teams to take, and as people keep using the best of the best, it starts to get murkier.  I'm going to make a prediction that by the end of this week, there is only 1 team without a strike, and 3 people have been eliminated.


Last week,  Colin and Folden were able to outscore me by 1 point, and pick up a game.  Eplin took the week with 9 points.

Overall, I have a 5 point lead over Colin and Folden.  Everyone else is at least 10 points back.

In the Pro pick'em Joe put up an 11 point week. Joe now leads the pro pick'em by 1 over Geiss and by 4 over like 5 people.

Colin was able to win the pick'em bonus with 18 points, Joe and Eplin right behind at 17.


Congrats, Stanford.  You stink pal.

Blandford's 2nd loss in a row knocks them out final four contention.  This put a red mark against gary Rob, and Jim, the first final four team to get eliminated for each of them.

That was also Gary's National Champion runner-up.

Stanford isn't quite out of the Pac 12 yet, although their chances are clearly looking bad. The two teams in front of them are Washington and Washington State, both of the teams they lost to.  They'd basically need to win out in the Pac 12 and hope those teams fell apart.

Tennessee also lost, which obviously isn't a big help for their final four hopes, there is still a chance for them.  They play Alabama this week.  A win here helps their chances.

No point update this week.  Later bitches.

Tuesday, October 4, 2016

10-4, First Point Update

What up, Swine.  4 weeks into the year, so I figured I'd do a more comprehensive update so that people can see how they're doing.

College Predictions

Florida State, more like Dunzo State, am I right?

Florida State dripped their diarrhea all over the place this weekend, losing to UNC and officially ending their National Championship (and probably their ACC) hopes.  They have two loses, and would need to hope Clemson somehow loses two games, and that Louisville loses two.  They would also need to win out, which seems awfully unlikely.

That's an official loss for Me, Voyten, and Eplin's National Championship runner up.  We're joined by Folden and Munez as far as our final four is concerned.

Stanford took a big step towards the pool of loneliness and despair by getting their asses spanked by the Huskies of Washington.  While Stanford isn't officially out of the Final Four conversation, they are teetering.  Even winning out wouldn't necessarily put them in.  Although that non conference game against Rice at the end of the season could redeem them (sarcasm).

There haven't really been enough conference games to get into much of anything else at the moment.
Pro Predictions

We're at the quarter poll and a few things are becoming pretty clear.

#1.  The AFC South is a trash can full of disease and feces.
The Colts, Jags, and Titans all suck, but with Houston losing their best (only) chance of winning, it seems like anybody could pull ahead there.

#2  Anybody who didn't take the Browns as a bottom 3 team (Hale, Eplin) has made a huge mistake.

#3  The Cardinals and the Panthers both suck garbage, and the Broncos could continue winning with me as their quarterback right now.

#4  People who had JJ Watt as their Sacks leader are done, and those of us (most of us) who had Khalil Mack can enjoy him being on pace for a total of 4 sacks this year.

#5  Geiss's bold pick of the Raiders would look good, if Denver could somehow lose a game.  Impressively for the Raiders though, they are 3-0 on the road so far.  Meaning they have 7 home games out of their 12 games left.

#6  Eplin being the only person to chose Julio Jones to win the Receiving title took a big step forward when he put up 300 yards on Sunday.

Survivor Pool

After last week's blood bath, things were mostly calm in the Survivor Pool this week.  Eplin's Broncos won easily, The Bengals took it to Miami for most of us, and Washington struggled, but eventually pulled away from Cleveland for the rest of us.

Jim took the interesting strategy used by Folden last year, in which he didn't pick a team.  That's one strike for Jim.  It didn't work for Folden last year, let's see if it works better for Jimmy.

That leaves Myself, Joe, and Rob without a strike, everyone else with 1 strike, and Gary sitting at home alone.


Folden won the Week 5 bonus by winning college and finishing in 2nd in the pro pick'em.

Overall,  I hold a 6 point lead over Colin and Folden.  Everyone else is behind 9 to 14 points.

In the Pro Pick'em  Geiss holds a 1 point lead over Folden and Joe, 2 over Gary and Eplin, and the rest of us are behind that.

Fantasy Football

It's a strange world we live in today.  There are six 3-1 teams and six 1-3 teams now.

Every single 2-1 and 0-3 team won last week.  While all the 3-0 and 1-2 teams lost.

The Week 5 Schedule works out like this

Jim 3-1 vs Rob 3-1
Shawn 3-1 vs Gary 3-1
Colin 3-1 vs Geiss 1-3
Joe 3-1 vs Eplin 1-3
Hale 1-3 vs Folden 1-3
Adam 1-3 vs Munez 1-3

So, we're guarenteed to have two 4-1 teams, two 3-2 teams, two 2-3 teams, and two 1-4 teams next week.  I think I like Geiss over Colin in an upset special.

Point Totals

Here are the totals up to now.  Scores go like this.  10 points for a fantasy win + College pick'em + Pro Pick'em + (bonus points).

Rob 30+48+33
Colin 30+56+35+(10)
Joe 30+52+38+(15)
Jim 30+48+35
Shawn 30+51+34
Gary 30+51+37
Adam 10+62+33+(15)
Hale 10+53+30
Geiss 10+50+39
Munez 10+51+33
Folden 10+56+38+(20)
Eplin 10+50+37+(5)

Joe 135
Colin 131
Folden 124
Adam 120
Gary 118
Shawn 115
Jim 113
Rob 111
Eplin 102
Geiss 99
Munez 94
Hale 93

I realize it's very very early and the winner will have 7 to 8 times more points then we have now, but there is something a little gratifying about the guy who made his team name All Hale The Champ, being in dead last.

Until next time, eat shit.